Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
