You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
