Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
