I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
sex in a hospital.. check
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
