Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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