I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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