I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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