I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
