I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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