the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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