Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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