We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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