He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
