they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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