i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
