I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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