I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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