; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you guys were way drunker than both of me
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
