god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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