So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
