i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
