I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
