Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
