Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
