I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
