Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
