K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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