My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
