I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
