I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
