I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
