Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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