Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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