did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dear god my vagina.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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