cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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