spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
