Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
