my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
