if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
