you guys were way drunker than both of me
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
