he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My ATM looks so different sober.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
