if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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