can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
This is the prime rib incident all over again
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We just shotgunned beers for America
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
