I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
