mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
