I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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