I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
