If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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