I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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