giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Be still, my beating vagina.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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